I went out with an ex-colleague today. Talked about a lot of things but mostly about being unemployed. She was lamenting on how she felt being unemployed and wondering when she would get a full-time job again. Although these have been constantly bugging me these days, I'm trying to take it easy. I remember reading an article on the ST forum about this man being unemployed and being humbled by the experience. He has learned to make the best of his situation and is spending more time with his loved ones instead of the paper chase.

I'm also trying to think positively like him. It's fine so far. At least I haven't been really sad over the failed interview although I still have that little hope in me that they may contact me soon.

It's this hope in me which refuses to die off. I contradict myself all the time by saying to my mom and colleagues, "Aiyah, sure can't make it. This is the fourth week and they said they would contact me in two weeks. I was lousy at the interview.", but secretly I'm thinking "Sigh, maybe they have been too busy. Maybe they will contact me when they're done with interviewing everyone. I was lousy at the interview but maybe, it wasn't that lousy?" Want to kill myself sometimes.

On the way home from the outing, I was on a non-airconditioned bus. It was like a roller coaster; the bus driver was driving at a very high speed and the air was moving fast, blowing my hair around and inertia didn't stop me from moving as the bus rumbled along furiously. I think I last had this kind of bus ride when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I refused to sit down in non-airconditioned buses because there were always cockroaches moving around on the seats and floor. It annoyed my mom to see me stubbornly standing for approximately an hour because of cockroaches. I can't help it. Some people have their eyes trained to look out for good looking people but mine have always looked out for the small creepy crawlies and flies. Or rather they keep looking out for me. Like today, when I was eating sushi with her, something flew near my eye. I was thinking "what the hell was that flying around in Sakae Sushi" and was sort of shocked by it since it covered half of my vision in my right eye. I waved it off frantically and said it was huge! She said "but it's only a housefly?" and I said "Yes, but it flew so near to my eye I couldn't see what it was". Scary.