Last sunset of 2003

Reached home not too long ago. It was a long, long day at work. I am physically exhausted but my mind is still busy.

---

Today I had lunch alone. Sitting in a corner of the eating place, I looked through the glass and saw a man from the past. He was looking at his watch and after a while, he was gone. I then looked through the other panel of glass and looked at the people passing by. Outside, there was this lady who was waiting for her companion to bring her the food. As I ate, I looked at them. Even though I couldn't hear them at all, I could see their lips moving as they ate and talked. The companion was talking most of the time. As I watched them, I felt very tired for the lady.

---

Okay, that was what lunch was like on the last day of year 2003. How about dinner? I walked to the nearest Burger King and promptly sat down to eat dinner at around eight plus. It was rather empty since almost everyone was out somewhere because it is half day for almost everyone except people like me. Music was played. This very irritating song that they played over and over again. Come to think of it now, I can't remember what song is that. I didn't find it familiar anyway. The person who served me was rather nice and I wished him a happy new year. Another poor soul who was working till even later than me.

So here I am back home. I would want to write more. Let me think. Maybe I will write later. Too tired now. Shall go lock myself the dark and rest a bit. They talk a lot. I have no mood to talk or listen. Anyway, the last sunset of 2003 was rather beautiful. From the office, I saw the sky in orange and pink. Lovely.

Just for fun.

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WW is behaving rather embarrassingly tonight on msn. He put "WW (L) e-y" as his nick. Luckily our mutual friend was too blur to notice. After that he put "WW (L) mutual friend's name". Again, our mutual friend was still too blur to notice. Then he put someone else's name.

Things you do when you're too bored. *shakes my head*

Supposed to go out with my mentee tomorrow. She smsed to postpone it just now so it's another free day for me tomorrow. Yay.

I guess she felt quite apologetic about it because she said sorry twice and then after that she sent a really sweet message. "Tell you something, I am making a New Year card for you now." Sometimes, it just makes my heart melt. Like the other time in camp when PL, SF and I saw SC (another one of the mentees), he patted PL's head and mine and smiled. I think I must have told this story a million times because I never expected him to do that. He used to be full of angst and an attention-seeker but now he's mellowed. Really hope the other mentees are doing fine. Hope we had made a difference, no matter how insignificant, in their lives.

There was this time I went back to NUS to practise dance. Reached there early and got a drink from the dispensing machine. Sat down and looked around at the familiar surroundings. I never realised that I could feel that way. I missed the place. There were many memories of us meeting up to go for mentoring that flooded back while I was sitting at the study bench near LT11.

What if I never signed up for mentoring? I would never have met the friends I have now. Can't imagine that. =)

Corrinne May

The performance last night was forgettable yet unforgettable in many ways. Forgettable in that I woke up feeling like I never went to watch her sing and that I can't remember the tunes of her new songs. Unforgettable because I know she really sang very well and I do remember the details; her reflection in the piano, the bear, the glass of water, her side profile, the dry ice, the lightings, the rope on the ground, her foot tapping on the ground, the people talking behind, a lady at my side moving her head to the rhythm like a bird, her talking before and after each song.
Anyway, her new songs are good. I especially liked the "everything in its time", "happy birthday" and some others I can't recall the titles.

When I was waiting for Daniel last night, I shopped around for a present for my colleague. After that I went to find a seat somewhere. Finally settled down somewhere after walking past more than five couples who were making out in the darkness. I was chuckling to myself because I really wanted to make myself comfortable next to them and make them uncomfortable but nah, I'm not that evil.

Last night's silence was a little awkward but hope you don't mind. Glad you enjoyed the performance. I did too.
See you the next time I see you.

It's another long weekend. For me to sit down and relax, listen to music, daydream, have a good home-cooked meal, catch up on lost sleep and talk to friends and family. Okay there's also laundry but it's a bit easier this week.

The weather's perfect. I woke up feeling blessed. One of those mornings when everything seems perfect.

She's no longer around but I'm still listening.

---

Songbird-Eva Cassidy
For you there'll be no crying
For you the sun will be shining
Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before

To you, I would give the world
To you, I'd never be cold
Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before

Like never before; like never before.

Random thought: Josh Groban sounds like the female version of Celine Dion sometimes. Don't know if that's good or bad.

The not-so-usual recent run of events has left me feeling rather drained. The camp was rather enjoyable; I felt like I was back to the life of being a mere student. Our programmes ran smoothly and I was glad that it didn't rain during the nightwalk which required difficult planning and extensive deployment of manpower. I wasn't too fortunate for my programme though. It rained and we had to stop the campers from playing some more even though we hated to cut the programme. Besides that, blisters on my feet opened up and it made walking painful. Mass dance was worse. Nevermind, on the overall, it was a pretty enjoyable three days and two nights. The company was great and I made new friends. I especially enjoyed a brief two hours plus at the twin towers at Palawan Beach looking out at the sea.

After the camp, I had to resume the lifestyle of a typical slave to the wage. It was like any other boring day at work until I received this message from Rx. Frog watcher's mom passed away on Sunday night. It left me shocked for the rest of the day. It left me thinking about a lot of things.

The next day, it was work and then the department's party. After the party, I took the train down to HarbourFront. Was early so I walked around looking for a seat where I could read my book. The place looks very different from what it looked like two years ago. I was looking for a particular place I had sat at then but I could no longer find it anymore. I then made my way to the Cruise Centre.

There were seats there and I just sat down. Suddenly I didn't feel like reading anymore. I just stared into blank space and looked around. Took out my lip gloss to put some on my dry lips. I was pursing my lips when this Malay lady opposite me asked me what the lip gloss was. I was quite taken aback because I was feeling dreamy but I just passed it to her and she had a look. Then she went on to talk about complexion and all and then she started to speak in Bahasa Indonesia, thinking that I am Malay or something. I was surprised again and told her I didn't understand her. She continued speaking in English and the time came for me to leave. Felt a little sorry because I sort of enjoyed listening to her voice. It soothed me and kept my mind from drifting to sad memories. When I stood up to go, she smiled and told me to take care of myself. I smiled and said the same.

You know it feels like some kind of a magical encounter. You will understand when someone like that appears in front of you.

After leaving the cruise centre, I went to the wake with the rest. Frog watcher looked okay but tired. I hope he feels really okay. Up till now, I can never deal with death. I hate to think about it even though it happens everyday.

Yesterday I went for tea with my cousin. That brief one hour plus felt really good. We did some catching up and she passed me a birthday present. Before long, we had to part. I went to meet the other mentors for a birthday celebration. Before I got there, I was lost and I felt very irritated. Earlier on I was quite agitated because my watch played a trick on me and I ended up being very late for the tea appointment. I waited for more than half an hour for a cab and the cabby told me after I got into the cab that it was better for me to take the train because it was Xmas eve. He drove me to the nearest station and I took the train. Nevermind, thinking about it doesn't make me feel good. I shan't write too much about it.

It's almost the end of the day and tomorrow is another working day. It'll be a better day ahead.

It isn't too late to say "Merry Christmas!". And yes, I like the presents I got. Thanks so much.

Just came back not too long ago from camp. Will talk about it when I'm more awake. Now listening to the "Love Actually" soundtrack I bought on my birthday.

---

Both Sides Now
Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere,
I've looked at clouds that way.

But now they only block the sun,
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done,
But clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels,
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real,
I've looked at love that way.

But now it's just another show,
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know,
Don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud,
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
I've looked at life that way.

Oh but now old friends they're acting strange,
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all


P.S. I like track 17 by Craig Armstrong: "Glasgow Love Theme". It was played in the scene when Keira Knightley was watching the wedding video which her husband's best friend shot.

It wasn't a particularly memorable birthday.

Disappointment works both ways; it kills your hope for something or it channels your hope into something else. That something else I don't know what yet.

---

I'm off to camp. Good luck to me and hope I don't have two left feet while teaching mass dance.

When the time comes to blow the candles out, will there be candles?

It's been a long day as usual. Came back not too long ago from the logistics packing (I didn't get to do much other than cutting up trashbags).

A friend seems to be rather upset. I hope she is feeling better now.

---

In about an hour plus, I'll be turning 22. I think of the time when I was still 19. Now I'm 22. Wow. And I thought that 21 was old enough. Oh well, time will fly by even faster than it is doing now. Before long, I will be 30. That's quite scary. No offense to old folks like SF. =P

This year will be something similar to last year. I'll be working the whole day tomorrow and so far, I haven't received any invitation to go out. Just as well I guess. Still have to pack for the camp. Maybe I'll just do a bit of shopping tomorrow.

Oh well. Happy 22nd birthday, e-y. Be a better girl this coming year.

Oh my, I just read that JZ took part in the SEA games 4x100 m relay and they got silver. Knew he's a fast runner but didn't know he got into the National team. Way to go!

I'm super duper tired. Meeting today and mass dance practice. I still can't master the difficult dance and I'm seriously worried because next week is the camp. Dang. Must master it by Monday.

There's a club outing for Christmas tomorrow and I guess we're going to swim and eat food and play some board games. No Christmas tree or decorations I think. No festive mood. Guess it's just an excuse to get people to meet.

Nothing much to say today. Went to Orchard. The lightings are lovely.

Colours of the sea.

I have always enjoyed looking at the sea. Where I am sitting now, I can see the sea. So whenever I feel just a little weary, I look out of the glass and gaze at the sky and sea to relax.

Today it was sunny for a change. At least for most of the afternoon. If you realise, when you look at the expanse of the waters, you can usually see a few shades of colour. Turquoise, dark green, blue, even brown. I used to wonder why different parts of the water had different colours. When I posed that question to my colleague at lunch, she told me that it was because of the shadows of the clouds. Interesting.

Too bad it wasn't sunny for long. Soon grey clouds moved into place and it started to rain heavily. The waters turned grey in colour and there wasn't much to see.

Big business

Had an absolutely arduous experience yesterday. Went for the dry run and it rained. Stood and walked for almost the whole day. When we were at Mt. Imbiah, there were so many bats flying around. Got home late and went for work today feeling really lethargic. Fortunately I could come home earlier than usual. Usual being seven, eight plus.

These days I can go to the toilet as and when I want to. Unlike those days back in my previous workplace when I had to hold my bladder ever so often, I can now take my time going to the toilet and back. These few days I can even take a look at the posters in the cubicles. There's one particular one which is really funny. About telling people not to squat down on the toilet bowls and dirty the pan. They had this comic about someone losing her footing and you can imagine the rest. So funny. Okay, nevermind, I'm really too bored at work that something in the toilet can amuse me.

It isn't going really well at work but I'm just hanging in there. I know I'll be fine.

Tired, actually.

Caught the show today. Love Actually

Love is a language.
Him: "My favourite part of the day: driving you."
Her: "It's the saddest part of my day, leaving you."


Love is not possession.
Him: "It's a self preservation thing.."

It's always nice to watch a romantic comedy (that makes sense). Although you know that what happens in the movies do not usually happen in real life, you just feel really good during the show and after you come out of the cinema. Like it makes you believe in love again.

There were quite a few couples in the show. Happy endings for almost everyone except for two people. That part was like a fairy tale come true for the start. I was practically rooting for them to clear up the emotional tangles on Christmas day but they didn't. Okay, besides those two, there was another guy. I felt really sad for him.

Haha, it's really hard talking about the show because I don't want to give spoilers. So, just go watch the show! Although you won't be able to see the full version because it's censored. I didn't realise that until I found that one part didn't appear in the show. Perhaps of nudity or something.

Tired.....

Journey- Corrinne May

It's a long, long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long, long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter, I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause It's a long, long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you.to you

I'm seriously dead beat. Tonight I was silly; waited at the bus stop for the bus to come by. Knocked off at around eight. I waited for more than half an hour before I sensed that something was amiss. Took a look at the notice hung at the post and realised that the bus wasn't going to come. Walked to the MRT and took a train and then a bus home.

I'm seriously dead beat but I'm still alive. Alive. Even after my mom nearly coerced me into drinking pipagao which expired in 07/03 and I got really mad. Waiting to take a bath after dinner.

This is one lame post. Hope all of you out there are alive and healthy!

Oh yes. Here's wishing Rx a belated happy birthday!



About the sunny sweet circles. The disappointment. When I read what you wrote, I thought, "hey, I can finally understand one of your cryptic posts."

Just for a moment. Argh. =)