So I missed "Desperate Housewives" again. Nevermind, I can start watching "Smallville". My colleague brought the entire season 1 for me. Yay!

---

I nearly lost my temper again today. These days, when I feel irritated to the max, I just boil inside and feel the need to lash out at people who irritate me further. Or like when I need a solution fast, the person just keeps repeating random information which I do not need and I want to cut the conversation by interrupting but somehow the person keeps on rattling and my insides start to boil again. Okay, maybe it isn't that bad but I feel that I was more tolerant in the past. Where did the self-control go? Maybe I need to write calligraphy again?

I need more exercise. I need things to take my mind off work.

You are an Amethyst. You are quiet and tend to be
shy. You don't like attention to be pointed
towards you, yet your beauty and uniqueness
draw people to you.


What Jewel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

When I walked out of the office building, it was close to eight p.m. and I was very surprised to see that the sky was not dark yet. Besides, it was very clear and in a shade of dark turquoise.

The weather is unlike past years.

Having four days of rest has been good for me. I rested a lot at home, went out to shop a little and met up with my cousin. I'm not really looking forward to work tomorrow but I guess I should feel more optimistic about it. After all, I need to finish up the work that is due soon. Good luck to me.

---

Yesterday when I was on the train back home, I was standing in front of this family of four. The little boy was very naughty and kept disturbing the father and mother. I nearly burst out laughing when he hung his tongue out, put his hands in front of him like they were dog paws and started to pant like a dog. Heheh. So silly.

Just now Mom was telling me how naughty I was as a kid. I loved to climb up chairs and peer out of the windows then and she would warn me not to do that many times. When she pretended to go out of the house, I would immediately climb up the armchair and of course, I got scoldings again. Unfortunately, there was once when she brought my sis to take the school bus and I fell off the armchair and fractured my arm. I can still remember how painful it was and I couldn't support myself to sit up. So I lay in that position until my mom came home.

Other instances were like how I would run everywhere once we went out. She told me that I dashed across the road once and my babysitter's son was so frightened and angry with me. Besides, when we went out shopping, I would hide in the clothes for fun. Once, my mom couldn't find me after so long that when I finally came out for air, she was so mad with me.

Actually I do recall those days when the adults would shop for clothes and I was so bored that I ran in and out of those clothes. It was fun!

---

I realise that a lot of people have been coming to this page via a search for resig***ion letters. It is quite funny because I had that phrase buried in an old entry and it is not helpful at all to anyone who needs to write a res****ion letter. Anyway, are a lot of people resigning nowadays?

Bad vibes

I'm starting to feel that this year isn't going to be a smooth one ahead. Quite a few things happened at work recently and I'm tired. Like I wasn't already tired. The outcome was all right but I'm still wondering if I did the right thing.

Other than work, I think I haven't done much. Today, I reached home at seven plus and I was trying so hard not to fall asleep but I surrendered in the end. Took a nap and now I'm here feeling stupid because I don't feel sleepy enough to sleep.

---

I think my mentee's unhappy with me. I asked her out this week but she said she's busy with remedial every day. I wonder what happened. Haven't got to talk to her much for the past year.

I think there's something wrong with me. I can't seem to keep my friends close to me as much as I want to.

Assumptions

I decided to talk about assumptions tonight.

This afternoon when I went out to lunch, I got six missed calls on my handphone. One number. It was my mentee. I called back, sent an sms and then called again in the evening. I started to get scared. She didn't pick up the phone.

I'll call tomorrow again.

This evening when I was taking the escalator down to the train station, I saw this man on a wheelchair. I looked at him once, slowed my steps, walked ahead and then turned back to look at him again. He looked like he wanted to go down to the train station. He looked like he was waiting for the crowd to go down the escalator before he tried to move down. I stepped onto the escalator and then looked back. I felt guilty and wanted to go back up to help him. But I didn't. As I was walking to the station control, I looked back again. I flashed my card and then realised that there wasn't a lift at Tanjong Pagar station.

We assume too much. I assumed there was something wrong when my mentee called. I assumed that the man had a way to go down to the station control. I assumed that he didn't want to help and by offering to help, he would feel offended. I assumed that I was too weak physically to help move a man.

I only assumed. I was negative. I was afraid. I wasn't like this in the past.

I'll be a better person.

Familiar?

Daydream delusion.
Limousine Eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes (laughs)
I am a delusioned angel
I am a fantasy parade.
I want you to know what I think.
Don't want you to guess anymore.
You have no idea where I came from.
We have no idea where we're going.
Launched in life.
Like branches in the river.
Flowing downstream.
Caught in the current.
I'll carry you. You'll carry me.
That's how it could be.
Don't you know me (poet hands poem back)
Don't you know me by now.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Currently listening to: Golden Meadows - Kavin Hoo

I don't really look forward to work tomorrow. It's actually quite funny because on one hand I don't feel like going back but on the other hand, I'm mentally replaying the steps I should take tomorrow over and over again. Like " ___ is #1 on the list, then call for a meeting....".

---

Remember I went to Corrinne May's concert? Kavin Hoo, who was on the keyboard, has a website which looks quite similar to hers. For your listening pleasure. If you like Kevin Kern, most probably you'd like his music too. Maybe even more.

---

I watched Before Sunset last night. Maybe I was too tired when I watched it in the theatre. Last night when I watched it again, I appreciated the dialogue more. My initial evaluation of the movie when I watched it on the big screen was that Celine was behaving way too neurotic when she was in the car. Last night, I watched that scene and felt that maybe yes, I would have felt the same way. One encounter with somebody whom she felt she could really connect with just brought all her romanticism with him and left. What if he never found her again?

I realised why I liked Before Sunrise more. It was more hopeful and pure. In comparison, Before Sunset had this sense of jadedness. Even it was meant to complete the unfinished story of nine years ago, it left me feeling incomplete. I didn't like how Jesse having a family complicated the story. It was as if meeting Celine again was a good chance for him to leave his already unhappy marriage. I thought it would have been better that he was already divorced with a kid or something. Oh well, maybe it's just me. When I have time, I'll watch Before Sunrise for the second time.

---

It's the start of yet another school term for the people in university. It's just the start of another work week for me. Yet another weekend doing laundry is over. When one is doing laundry week after week, time seems to pass by really fast.

I WANT HOLIDAYS! I DEMAND HOLIDAYS!

I, only know how to rant. Actually I can only rant in here.

---

Kungfu Hustle was funny. It reminded me of Kill Bill with all its gory scenes and men in suits. Like what PL says, it's very forgettable. I want to watch "Shall we dance".

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? I think the "firsts" were mostly regarding work. Major projects and presentations. Ice-skating for the first time. Talking to a friend long distance. Growing my hair long. Staying overnight at Sentosa with my family. Vomitting into a plastic bag at a bus stop.
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I can't remember if I made any new year's resolutions last year. This year I have a couple.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No. Most people close to me are not married yet. Either that or they are too old.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No. This is not a good question.
5. What countries did you visit? No. I wanted to travel in the later part of 2004 but didn't. Fortunately we did not go to the tsunami-hit areas.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? I want to have more confidence and be faster at analysis at work.
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory? 13/4 (1st major presentation), May/June 2004 (tough times at work), 17,24,25,26,31 December. Birthday where I cried in the office toilet for no good reason. X'mas eve evening where I spent with PL opposite esplanade having a picnic. X'mas cum birthday celebration for a colleague and then off to Orchard Road to talk till 4 a.m. in the morning. Boxing day when the earthquake sent tremors to our country and the tsunamis devastated various parts of S Asia.
8. What were your biggest achievements of the year? Giving my best for my projects at work and befriending people at work. Improving my public speaking skills.
9. What was your biggest failure? Inability to fight for my staff.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? The usual sore throat and food poisoning. Had no choice but to take medical leave in the second last week of the year.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Nothing significant.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Can't think of anyone.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Not good to list them down here.
14. Where did most of your money go? Household expenses. Presents.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Corrinne May's concert at Esplanade.
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2004? I think it's "the reason" 'cos it's way overplayed. Other than that, it would be Corrinne's new album which I have been waiting for the whole year. Dang.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
* Happier or sadder? About the same. I think I'm just more tired at work because I never got a good rest. But I wouldn't say it's sadder.
* Thinner or fatter? I think I'm around the same weight. Should have gained one kg I hope.
* Richer or poorer? If this is meant to be monetary, I would say around the same. The bonus last year was quite good though.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Volunteer work? Meeting up with old friends?
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Procrastinating at home. Thinking about people I shouldn't think about. Feeling unhappy.
20. How did you spend Christmas? #7.
21. Did you fall in love in 2004? I wish.
22. How many one night stands in this last year? This is a silly question.
23. What was your favorite TV program? I watched very little tv. I still think SATC is good.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't think it amounts to hate. Perhaps I would call it dislike. People who only contact me when they want something out of me.
25. What was the best book you read? Either Tuesdays with Morrie or Five People you meet in Heaven.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? I listened to the same few CDs this year.
27. What did you want and get? I didn't really want anything. Nothing much.
28. What did you want and not get? a happy birthday. The usual things like love and trust.
29. What was your favourite film of this year? This year's movies were rather disappointing. Only the dvds I got from D were good. Before sunrise and before sunset. Oh. Bourne supremacy.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to watch a children's charity performance. Then went down to Orchard Road with PL, PR and TG to have supper at Marche and then walked down to Cavenagh Bridge to talk. I was 23.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Meeting more friends.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? If it's anything, it's just a change in hairstyle and color.
33. What kept you sane? Walking lots and talking with my fingers.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most? Nobody in particular. Maybe GCT who stepped down as PM this year.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? Ashamed to say this but I didn't keep up with current affairs. I think Straitstimes is a lousy paper.
36. Who did you miss? People I used to talk to often.
37. Who was the best new person you met? I think I met quite a lot of new people at work but I shan't mention any names from those at the workplace. Outside work, I didn't really meet anyone new in real life. Online, I met a few but I feel it's different from the past. We don't talk much.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. Be nice but not too nice till you get bullied.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year? Everything in its time.

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

New Year's Day at the Esplanade

D, Corrinne did not get ready her new CD in time. Have to wait a bit then. Good things are worth the waiting. (=P, I think she's a perfectionist!) I'd send along a birthday and X'mas present. She said it will be out sometime before Chinese New Year. =)

I regretted not bringing along a camera. This time, I was sitting in the middle and had quite a good view of the stage. Although it was a little cloudy and cold, it did not rain tonight. The outdoor theatre had a very nice background -- the Singapore river with lit river boats. To my right was the Fullerton Hotel.

She was dressed in a black dress and jeans. Tonight, she sang "Something about you", "Stay on the road" and "Journey" from her 1st album. The other songs are from her new album. If I remember correctly, they are "Everything in its time", "Every beat of my heart", "Save me", "Superhero little girl" and "Safe in a crazy world".

During one of the songs, this uncle from the 2nd or 3rd row stood up and danced like he was doing the Singapore workout. It was so funny! Someone seated in front of me captured it on her digicam. This auntie seated to my left also flailed her arms. Hahahahaha.

Anyway, I hope her new recording contract will allow her to continue making the music she's been making and not make her too commercialized.

D, this is for you. I hope I manage to get the cd tonight.

---

So here we stand, anchored in hope, letting the rain wash away every fear. Stars in the sky, twinkle and shine, I pray they won't disappear. 'Cos i don't know where your journey goes or how long it will take to unfold. But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark, I will be watching over every beat of your heart

I wish that time could be replayed. I'd keep you here with me everyday. They say that love is letting go. I hope that you find your way 'cos I don't know where your journey goes or how long it will take to unfold. But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark, I know you're watching over every beat of my heart.

every beat of my heart
every beat of my heart
every beat of my heart

---

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead, how long till my hunger is fed? They say it's hard to make it in this part of town, so many people on this merry go round. Some folks try astrology, some turn to crystal balls, to find an answer to get through it all. I just fall on my knees and I try to pray. In the silence I can hear him say: the river runs on the river highs out to the ocean and under the sky. I promise you the answer will come, hold on to patience and watch for the sign. Everything in its time.

I often feel like I'm two steps behind, somebody must have moved that finish line. There are a thousand reasons why I should give up but I'm stubborn in the things I believe. 'Cos the river runs on the river highs out to the ocean and under the sky. I promise you the answer will come, hold on to patience and watch for the sign.

'Cos maybe there's another plan; one I still can't see. A little surpise like your love in my life. Funny how time changes how we see.

There are a thousand reasons why I should give up but I'm stubborn in the things I believe. 'Cos the river runs on the river highs out to the ocean and under the sky. I promise you the answer will come, hold on to patience, just watch for the sign. Everything in its time.

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I love her songs and her voice.