Male + Female = Couple?

Today, I went to West Coast Park to take a look at Event 0. Didn't want to stay home. XY didn't go in the end because she fell sick and I told PL it was okay we didn't meet up since she had to go to the airport at seven. So, I asked YJ along since we had agreed to go cycling for a long time but never got down to it.

So we met and cycled. I had reached the place first and rented a bike. YJ arrived shortly after that and I was somewhere else when he called. I told him to rent a bike and find me since the place was quite small. He found me rather quickly since I was cycling very slowly. The first thing we talked about was how lousy the bikes were. Mine was squeaking the whole time and my bum still hurts from the horrible seat. We were so worried that the bikes would fall apart since they were so rusty. Haha. Upon reaching the central meeting area, we met MS and he actually took out the rubber covers from my bicycle handles. Yikes.

The whole day was quite fun although I was worrying about how YJ felt since the volunteers were all strangers to him. Had wanted him to meet more people, widen his social circle and possibly take an interest in doing volunteer work but it seems that he's not ready to. Anyway, we had a lot of fun at the playground and time passed really fast. We went for dinner while the rest had their debrief. When it ended, SF called and said where they were. He mentioned something about "you and your beau." Rolls my eyes.

Why do people have to automatically think that two people will have to be a couple when one is male and the other is female?

When I heard SF saying that, another incident came to mind. This was what happened. Last year, when my babysitter's husband was in hospital for cancer, YJ went with me to visit him. He couldn't talk much then and when he wanted to go to the toilet, YJ helped to bring him to the toilet. At his funeral a few days later, my babysitter talked about him passing away and that he was happy to see that I have found someone nice. It dawned on me that he actually died thinking that I was together with YJ. The first thought was sadness. What a misunderstanding.

I told YJ about it tonight after the remark of "you and your beau". It suddenly became hilarious. We laughed madly and he said something as an afterthought. That he actually thought my babysitter's husband misunderstood because he had that look in his eyes when we were leaving. What kind of look, I'll never know.

Was out with PL just now and we were eating at Sakae Sushi (again!). In my over-enthusiasm to grab something which we both liked to eat, I overturned the plate when it was still on the conveyor belt. The contents (two fried crabsticks with mayonnaise on them) fell onto the metal on the conveyor belt and I frantically scooped them back onto the plate. Then I took the plate. For a few seconds, I was contemplating whether to eat or not to eat. There was laughter and then came a few seconds of awkwardness before I looked at PL and we mutually agreed without saying much.

Each of us took one. She said, "It's still hot. It'll kill the germs." Anyway she already had a mouldy char siew pau in the morning and I was the one at fault so we ate them up without saying much more. The people who sat opposite us must have been very amused. My butter fingers dropping the plate and we eating the contaminated food. Downed quite a bit of green tea to further kill the germs. Do you think it works? I don't have a stomachache now. Hope she doesn't. =)

Oh well, we were sitting outside HMV eating ice-cream when we saw this Caucasian guy wearing a pink shirt and red pants. He had a lady beside him and PL was commenting that he could carry it off without looking gay. I was quite appalled at his bravery to wear a pink top and red pants! Gasp! I then said that it must be the lady beside him who made him look not gay. Nevermind. I still can't wipe that image of pink shirt and red pants off my mind, whether gay or not.

So far people keep saying pink looks gay on men but I say it looks nice. Now I have to add that it looks nice without funny pants.

It's supposed to be the biggest tonight. However, I find no difference in the size from the other time I saw it in the sky. Wish I had a telescope.

Excited at seeing it again, I called my family to look at it. Then I messaged a few on my contact list. Those people staying in the hostels can't see it at all; WW said the sky is cloudy; Nut says that it is very bright and he can see craters and aliens waving to him. Hahaha. Just now I asked WW how come I was the only one who could see. Then he said, "Make a wish to Mars". I did.

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It's been a long time since I last had a haircut. I had always wanted to grow my hair long because I have only grown it long once. I cut short my hair then because I was finally convinced that I looked ah-ma-ish in long hair. So this time, my hair's long not because I want to have long hair but because I'm lazy to get a haircut. Perhaps a little bit of me also wants to try out long hair again but mainly it's the part about being non-carish. I told WW that I feel I don't care much about how I look anymore. No fancy haircut, no pretty clothes, boxes and boxes of shoes, colourful varnish, flawless complexion. I hate putting on makeup everyday to work. I sleep late and eat junk food. I have zits. My highlights are fading out. I look uglier than normal. That's the me right now. When MS told me about capturing my zits on his digicam, I didn't really think about it then. Then I remembered and I got a little more hardworking, applying some stuff on my face sometimes. It's quite embarrassing when a guy tells you he captured you on camera with zits. However it didn't work for long. I got back to the usual routine of just washing with facial cleanser. Anyway the extra stuff didn't seem to do much for my face since I don't get enough sleep.

Oh well, there's nobody in my life to look pretty for. He says I "dui bu qi" myself since I should want to look good for my own sake and not for someone else. Logically speaking, it is right. However, how many of us truly want to dress up and look great for ourselves all the time?

Animals are adorable. However they smell strange. I was in the zoo just now and some of the animals had their excrement lying beside them. So they eat and sleep next to excrement. Maybe they're used to it.

It's been a long time since I last went to the zoo. The place is very different from what I remembered. When we went in, the first animals we saw were these animals with horns in this enclosure. I said, "Eh, not real right? The real ones hiding somewhere? How come all fake ones. The zoo does this now, is it? Maybe not enough animals". My companion couldn't confirm. Then one of the fakos yawned. We were shocked. Why did they remain so still like statues? Anyway, throughout the whole excursion, many of the animals were good at pretending to be statues. Maybe they're trained to do that so we can take nice pictures of them. Bleah.

So it was pretty much looking at the animals lazying away or sleeping and looking at their backsides. I don't know why so many of them choose to show us their backs. Fortunately, it was time for something more exciting. The feeding of the polar bears. The polar bears were dirty. Green and black fur. They looked huge. Especially the male one named Inuka. They were much smaller when I watched the show the last time I went to the zoo. The presenter then told us to move on to another feeding. Then another and another. Then something happened. Nope, I'm not going to write about it here. You may ask me if you want. Anyway after the thing, we went for lunch and we felt tired. Took the tutu train and it was rather fun and relaxing. Passed by the Seletar reservoir and it really reminded us of the time when we went to Casuarina Walk for the smp project. Then we took the tram too.

We were pretty tired. Saw many animals. My vote for greediest animal goes to the sunbear. They really have this greedy look on their faces. Plus the way they salivated and scrambled to get the food which dropped. Another vote for strongest willpower was for the meerkat. It's this really small furry animal which sunbathed for a long time. It just stood there like a statue. For a few hours. No sweat. Most detestable animal? Wild dogs. They reminded me of the dog which chased me in Ubin.

My companion wanted to ride elephants and ponies. I wasn't that adventurous and in the end we didn't because we got distracted by the thing. Phew. Anyway we also went for the sealion show and guess what? I shook the sealion's flipper. They were really cute!

Okay, I enjoyed my trip even though I woke up feeling really tired and sian. Just feel quite sorry for the animals in captivity. They looked really tired and sian. Most of them. Even the ones which looked happy because they were performing looked happy because they got food. I didn't like the way they got food for performing some unnatural act. (Made me wonder if they were starved before performing.) Although I enjoyed them performing the unnatural acts. Contradiction.

Oh well, what mattered most to me was that she enjoyed it. I hope she did. =)

Had a recce today at Fort Canning. Quite fun but it was tiring climbing up and down. We shall remember to bring insect repellant the next time we go. Too many mosquitoes and red ants etc.

Fort Canning brings back many fond memories. Recently, I just watched Ballet under the Stars with my cousin. It was fun sitting there and having a picnic of sorts and just chatting while the sun set. Today they were setting up the stage and some stalls for WOMAD. It was the first time I saw Fort Canning without running children, noisy teenagers and a crowd. The field had no picnic mats on it. There were tourists taking pictures and people jogging. I got to know some interesting facts about the hill. However, I shan't note them down here in case you're going for our event in September. Heh.

I used to have a bad impression of the hill because someone back in primary school lapsed into a coma after a hike at Fort Canning. I remember a teacher talking about it and the student was in coma for a few years. She didn't fall or anything. We heard that it was because of some spirits possessing her body or something. Come to think of it, it's quite scary. I think she woke up after a few years and she couldn't remember anything. She became something like a retard if I don't remember wrongly.

Anyway I hope she was okay. Hope I remembered wrongly. Well, Fort Canning is a nice place. Maybe my memory of the girl in coma is just a figment of my imagination. Or is it not?

I boarded the bus today not expecting to get a seat. I got a seat anyway. This frail-looking old man made eye contact and gestured for me to take the empty seat beside him. I mumbled thanks and sat down.

The aircon was blowing cold wind. His right sleeve was ruffling and brushed against my arm. I looked at the sleeve and then realised it was just a sleeve. Without an arm to fill it. It reminded me of some guy (is it Yang Guo?) in some novel. I felt sad. Not because of him missing an arm but that he reminded me of some person in a novel. This is a real person missing an arm, not someone from a story. As his sleeve brushed against my arm, I was thinking why his arm was missing. Was it like that from birth? Or did some accident happen? Or did he lose it because of disease?

I tried very hard not to look at his sleeve. As the bus moved, he moved too. Slightly forward and backward, forward and backward. Like a pendulum. His movements were bigger than mine. I guess it was because of his missing arm that his body couldn't balance well. He looked really weak and I kept worrying that he would fall since he was sitting on the outer seat. He had tried to not sit too close and used his left arm to hold on to a rail throughout the whole journey.

He alighted earlier than me. As I looked at him walking away from the bus stop, I felt happy. Even though he had an arm missing, he was still moving around by himself and not stuck at home or in some home for the aged.

Random question: Can birds suffer from a fear of heights?

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I watched a play with WW the other day at DBS Arts Centre. It was a story of a handicapped girl who went to heaven after dying in a failed operation. Together with another angel, she embarked on a journey of her past life and lives of those around her. All of them had tried to scale the ladder of worldly pursuits. She was below the lowest rung. Owing to her handicap, she was cruelly denied the chance of fulfilling her ambition to become a nurse. However, she did not give up on life. Instead, she continued to bring colour to other peoples' lives; the aged at the home where she volunteered, an ah-beng friend turned successful businessman, an engineer who finally pursued his first love of photography after years of denial and a man who saw the best in her.

WW asked me what did I find saddest about the play. I said that it was the part where the girl had thought she was not good enough for the kind-hearted, good-looking undergraduate. Time is precious. They wasted a lot of time. She died on the day they were going to collect their wedding photos.

The story was beautiful. It was about pursuing dreams which seem unreachable. Of giving up stability for something you have a passion for. Of living on courageously and choosing happiness when one is denied of even the right to pursue one's ambition.

I am inspired to move on with a greater stride.

Okay, let's not talk about what happened a few days ago. Let's talk about today. Today, I received food. Like it dropped down from the sky. Some regular customer bought a hotdog sandwich and blueberry waffle for me and I was too shocked to react in the few seconds she came to and left my counter. Thank you. It wasn't just having food to eat after a tiring day but realising that there still are people who actually give without expecting anything in return.

While surfing on a forum, I saw a thread on Mars and remembered the email that WW had sent me the other day. Went to the windows and I looked out. I was thinking "Look east" but I have no idea where east was. I then looked at where I had seen Mars two years ago and there it was, orange and brilliant. I recalled many things. I read the log. I couldn't find the date. You wouldn't know how I felt then. You will not know.

Today I wore glasses to work. People asked why I wore glasses when I usually didn't. I gave a shrug and said I just felt like it. I was thinking, I just want a change for today. My vision will be clearer and I will see more things that I usually do not see. What I usually feel is that most of the time, you don't need to see too clearly in order to see beauty or the lack of it. You feel with your heart.

At the end of the day, I felt no difference except for heightened alertness at work. As I reached home, I took off my glasses. Until a few minutes ago, I realised that it wasn't my eyes which could no longer see properly. It is my heart. My broken heart.

Today is the start of a new semester for those who are still schooling. Me? I am still on my long vacation. It feels almost sad that I'm no longer going back to school. Wonder when I'll finally commence on my next journey.

Back in primary school, it was rather predictable; year after year, I would get new shoes, new socks, new stationery, a new bag. When I was in primary one, I thought that I would go on to primary two, then primary three then primary four........primary eleven, twelve and so on. Forever in primary school. I was that stupid. Primary school was fun. I still keep in touch with some of my primary six classmates and I remember some of my primary 1-3 classmates for the wrong reasons.

There was one who always managed to come into the classroom with cowdung on his shoes. We always tried to sit as far away as possible from him. There was another who looked furry and everyone called him "Ang Zang Mao"--Dirty Cat because he looked like one and behaved like one. Mucus always dripping onto his books and he never had tissue paper to wipe his face clean. It was a sight looking at him talk with mucus dribbling down from his nostrils. What he did was to clean his nose with his sleeves or on rare occasions, toilet paper. There was an Indian classmate whom I only remember as Sumi. Sumi was nice and he was my neighbour. It's a pity that I forgot his name. It was Sumisomethingsomething.

There was also this particular incident about this boy who was paired up with me on the first day of school. Can't remember his name but he was paired up with me because we were the shortest in class. We had to hold hands because the teacher instructed us to. Some nosey little girl behind me said he was my boyfriend and I said "NO! He's just my boy friend". It's quite funny how little girls and little boys can broach the subject of relationships at such a tender age. Too many rubbish tv serials.

My Chinese teacher was also the object of much gossip. We always couldn't help laughing when he pronounced "lao3 bo2 bo2 (old man)" as "lao3 be4 be4". He still is living in my block and I still call him "Lao3 Shi1 (Teacher)" although I feel embarrassed to do so. He's this eccentric guy who is still a swinging bachelor and back then, some kid walked by the block on the way to school and looked up to where he was staying and saw underwear at the window. It became hot news.

Then there was this time when a girl had diarrhoea in the middle of a lesson and she defecated on herself while in the toilet. I can't really remember what actually happened but I know we were pretty cruel to laugh when we heard what happened. I only remember it's got something to do with drawing block; those A3 sized paper we used to draw on. I think she either used the drawing paper to clean herself or she got her drawing dirty. Doesn't make much sense both ways.

Of course, primary school wasn't just about these. There were some people who were best friends back then and even though they are no longer in my life now, I am glad that they made my life beautiful at that point in my life. Especially this classmate who always gave me marbles. I don't know where you have moved to but I hope you're happy wherever you are. Thanks for the marbles Kiam Peng!

I was clearing my mail when I read this email. It reminds me of the movies I had watched these two weeks. Have fun reading!

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FW:Noodle vs Bao
Thursday, June 05, 2003 2:25 PM

Chapter One

One day, noodle quarrel with meat bao(bun).They had a fight but bao was too clumsy and lost badly. He was very angry and he told noodle to stay behind if he has the guts and he'll get his pals to assist him. Meat bao went to find bread, man tou, jian bao etc to get them to reinforce him. Along the way, they saw maggi mee. They ah bish ah bish ah bish and beat maggi mee up and maggi mee beri puzzled why he kena beaten up. He said, "Why u all beat me? What have I done to deserve this?" The meat bao said, "Noodle! Dun think u perm your hair then cannot recognise u!"

Chapter Two

Maggi mee, who was beaten up for no reason, was very angry. So he went to find bee hoon, udon, fried noodles etc to seek revenge. But on the way, they met small bao. Maggi mee looked at small bao for a while then told his brothers, "Bra-der! Whack him!" Maggi mee whack small bao harder & harder.After the noodles family has left, they asked Maggi Mee why he hated small bao so much and beat him up so badly. Maggi mee said. "At first wanna teach him a small lesson only, but then see him act cute, made me so angry."

Chapter Three

The more small bao thought of it, the more buay song he was. So, he found the bao family to whack Maggi mee. Then they found ying shi juan (noodles covered with bun). They brought him back as hostage and were about to but him on the stove to force him to talk when the bao head said, "That's not noodles! That's our undercover!"

Chapter Four

The family of bao and noodles are now enemies and they have gang fights whenever they see each other. One day, the noodles family was having a walk when they saw char siew bao alone. Seeing the good chance, all of them attacked him. The noodles family shouted,"Beat him hard hard! Don't give chance just because he's vomiting blood!"

Chapter Five

Poor char siew bao, with his injuries, went to the bao headquarters to look for help. All the bao family was activated and together with red bean bao, green bean bun etc. they went to seek revenge. All the passerbys siam them as they look like they will kill. They saw french fries jalan jalan along, shopping. The bao family attacked him. The bao head shouted, "Noodle people still wear gold go shopping! Whack him!!!"

Chapter Six

Finally, the bao family manage to kidnap noodle, the one who started up the whole show, and brought him back to the bao headquarters. All the baos took turns to whack him. At the end, the chief of baos - dua bah bao took a final roll over noodle before they dump him. When the poor noodle finally went home, none of the family members could recognise him bcoz he is totally disfigured and flattened. In order not to let the family bear the bad name, he appears as a new member named Mee Pok.

Yesterday it was National Day. I was supposed to order tickets for "City of God" and I did. I ordered four. When MS smsed me who were going, I was about to reply four when I counted five fingers. Horrified, I went to the website hoping that I could order one more but it was too late. I tried ordering via the hotline but there were no more tickets available. I couldn't believe I made such a mistake. You only hear of these in jokes like how the pig forgot to count himself in when counting the number of pigs.

MS didn't go in the end. He said he was tired and wanted to stay home to rest instead. I promise not to make silly mistakes like this again.

Anyway, I watched the NDP on tv before setting off. Can anyone tell me why the armed forces have to stand at attention while the school kids sang and pranced around? It looks weird. I was also amused when the ministers waved their flags like children, struck the two wooden spoon-like things together and peered at the stuff in the goodie bags with excitement. Sometimes we forget that they are just like us too.

I am bored. I am sad. I shall write something.

I have a friend. He has a friend. That friend has a friend. That friend is him. You're confused? Good.

I will call him WW. WW stands for ��Ϊ. I have asked him thrice to confirm what he would want to be known as and he said this. Okay, I shall use WW. This entry is dedicated to you, my dear friend!

WW used to like Big Flappy Ears. To him, she was pretty despite the flappy ears. I never understood why WW liked Big Flappy Ears. Big Flappy Ears had a whiney voice and it made me cringe sometimes. The only time I thought she looked great was when she played her instrument. You know, when people play instruments and look totally absorbed in it. Like what TG once thought of this middle-aged jazz percussionist who exuded attractiveness because of his seriousness on his face while he carefully tinkled on his stuff.

WW liked Big Flappy Ears for many years. Throughout these years, I had to listen to WW talk about Big Flappy Ears. For more than five long years, we would never stray from the topic of Big Flappy Ears; how she avoided him, how her hair disappeared and when she got attached but the guy was not WW. There was even this crazy incident of how I magically obtained her prom night photo from a spy and he was so ecstatic.

WW finally let go of Big Flappy Ears. He realised that the infatuation would never become anything more than infatuation. He grew to like someone else and he mustered enough courage to let her know how he felt. This someone else looked like Big Flappy Ears in a way; I shall call her Caustic Tea. Caustic Tea turned him down and avoided him for some time. Poor WW. He was confused again.

WW had made a pact with this other girl when they were still young and innocent. They would be together if they didn't find any partner after some years. WW was still young and innocent after some years. Then he realised other than being young and innocent, he was stupid as well. The girl had just made the pact out of jest.

WW said he has not cleaned his room in a long time. He said that his room has got dust and strands of hair on the floor. He wonders where the hair came from. I told him people have hair falling off everyday. He also said that he hasn't prayed in a long time. He has become apathetic.

Don't be apathetic, my friend. Soon you'll pray again. You'll clean up your room regularly.

Here's a Singapore song for you. It's one of my favourites from way back in primary school : It's the little things.

Have a wonderful National Day! Enjoy the fireworks!

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Anyway, today I had a customer who had seven words in his given name+surname. I spent more time than usual copying down his name. I think he felt duh too. When it was time for me to call him, I started to say the first word and decided not to complete the sentence. It was too much of a feat. Worse than saying supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. And I knew I might have to repeat myself. Fortunately he was in sight and with a quick wave of my hand, he came to my counter. Phew. I find it extremely hard to pronounce Indian names sometimes. Sometimes gesticulating works better than speaking.

Last night, I dreamt of someone. The weird thing was that we never got to talk at all in the dream. I didn't even get to see his face. I only felt that he could be the one behind us when another girl and I were singing our lungs out. The song was "Stay on the road" by Corrinne May. It's strange. The setting was a house in a rather foresty area.

I haven't remembered any dream in a long, long time. This dream left me thinking. Do you believe in dreams? Do you think they actually imply something deeper than what appears on the surface?

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What do you do when a customer hands you his cards and you had seen that he licked them while he was approaching you? What I did was to hold the cards by the edges but then again, I thought I was behaving stupidly because I handle money plus lots of other stuff anyway. My hands are far dirtier than I know. Then again, why dirty them further? So to not dirty them further or not be bothered about it since they are already dirty?

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My toenail seems to be bruised. The right big toe. Whatever is left of the nail varnish is covering that portion. I tried moving the nail just now and it wobbled a bit. Part of the nail is coming out and I see a hole which doesn't seem to be big. However, it might be bigger than what I see though. To pull or not to pull? Then again, why pull it out when it's already going to grow out or fall out sometime soon? It's just this nagging little pain now and the funny feeling of it no longer really belonging to my foot. It would definitely hurt a lot when I do pull the whole nail out. Wouldn't be able to walk properly for sometime. How? End the pain once and for all?

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To be edited later

Had lunch at Fullerton hotel today. Having got used to having brunch everyday for the past two months plus, I could not really stuff myself with the food at the buffet despite not having breakfast. Had gastric pain. Ouch. Anyway, we had got there really early so we had to wait for the rest to arrive. I went down to the ground floor and watched the koi swim.

Back in secondary school, we had a pavillion and a pool where there were koi. As time went by, the pool got really green with the algae and the students started putting in terrapins and other fish which were not supposed to be in there. It was a favourite place of mine and I often went to watch the koi swim around in the pool when I was bored. Once when I gave a class presentation, I mentioned watching fish swim around to relieve stress. Like what I did when I got bored and stressed. I watched the koi swim around. The class laughed. I still don't know why they laughed.

Just now as I watched the koi swim, I was rather amused. I saw the koi opening their big mouths and going "Mom mom mom mom". They swam around and usually ended up in clusters. I don't know why they don't want to swim alone but keep swimming clumsily past one another in close proximity. Big fat fish. Heh. There was this especially big one. I couldn't tell if it was champagne or silver in that lighting but the next time when you're bored, you can go down to fullerton to look for it. It is around fifty centimetres and very fat. When I put my finger near its mouth when it was at the surface, it went "mom mom mom mom" and looked like it was going to chew my finger. Food.

I like watching them swim around. It's rather interesting to think about these fish swimming around day and night. Just swimming, eating, sleeping. Oh, maybe they talk too. Do they? How does it feel to be confined to a small pool for life? Not knowing what time of the day it is. Don't they get bored? Are they happy or sad? If you know, tell me. =)

Yesterday, I walked back home from Chinatown. It took me about one hour plus and I got home looking like a cooked lobster. It was fun as I haven't had a long walk or exercise for quite some time. On the way, I saw clear blue skies and felt the burning sun on my skin. I pretended to be a tourist and looked at the plaque outside the Armenian Church together with some other real tourists. Then I walked on and saw this old man who was cycling with a kid on his bike. His slipper fell off his foot while he was cycling across the junction I was crossing. I decided to help but before I got to him, he already had got his slipper. Then he was half-laughing and muttering, "Aiyah, dropped my slipper." I smiled and walked on.

Do you experience this sometimes? You see someone in need of a little help then you take a few seconds to process the situation. By the time you decide to offer help, the person already has either solved the problem or rejects your help with a frown. You are left there looking like a misplaced jigsaw puzzle piece. In your heart you're feeling a wee bit awkward over really nothing much. Then what you do is to smile and walk on.

As I walked on, I saw this Indian man from the corner of my eye who looked like he wanted to say something to me. I thought he looked suspiciously like a salesperson (there are just too many of them these days) but I decided to just look at him and he only wanted to ask for directions. Chey!