Monday

It was rather spontaneous actually. Met them for dinner after reformatting the computer on Monday.

We sat at the same place. Only that there were only four of us. Instead of eight. Actually only three of us had reached there earlier. Had almost finished eating while waiting for the last friend who came after work.

We talked. Talked about life after graduation, opportunities, dreams. It got a little too heavy after a while. We also got really bloated. So we walked down to the riverside where we sat on the bridge again. When was the last time we sat at the bridge? I can't really remember.

So we talked again. This time round, we talked about relationships. Such a stale topic it is but it got fresh along the way because of someone's story. =)

By the way, I think giving up on the job offer is really a pity, but, whatever it is, I guess we'll all support you along the way. Really hope that things work out for all of us. That your business thrives, that PL does well in her exams and that Bubbly settles down well in her new workplace.

?

I just lost another entry. I frighten myself sometimes. After restarting the comp accidentally after downloading global IME and thus losing my 96% downloaded trial version of some adobe program which is 80 MB, I had patiently started the download again after going "shit!!". I have been amazingly patient with myself up till now. Maybe I'm just tired. Hadn't uttered a word all night besides that exclamation.

It's 92% now. It was 9% maybe half an hour ago. I lost the entry by accidentally backspacing and not sure what happened but the entry just disappeared.

And I'm up at this hour still doing work from the office.

............................................

Burial.

My comp died today because of some virus a friend passed on. I spent the whole afternoon restarting and having illegal operations happen to almost everything I opened. I was extremely frustrated and was feeling regretful that I didn't update my virus definitions regularly. I reformatted my harddisk and I lost most of what was precious to me. The songs, emails and the conversations. Now I don't even have Microsoft Office and I can't even view the pictures I took just now. Have to get the driver. I feel so sian. What is the siannest part is that my D drive wasn't formatted at all and I could have put the important stuff in my C drive to the D drive to prevent everything from being wiped out. Oh well. It was meant to be.

This computer has been with me for about three years plus now. I knew it was about time to do a proper clean up but I didn't expect it to be today. I also didn't want to wait even though WW offered to help. "Three days.. just three days", he said. I decided not to. It was on the spur of the moment that I decided to reformat everything. With it came a sense of loss and relief. I also don't really know what to fully make out of it. There were so many deleted files, so many memories that I had never wanted to let go of even if it was only physically. I told WW that I'm quite hard-hearted. He laughed.

Hope everything will soon revert to normal. Will write about today's outing later. Still sad.

Updated: Don't go to this forwarded joke url. You will not laugh when your comp dies like mine.

Am talking to a friend right now. When asked about how life was for the past week, I said it was tiring. Then he asked if I can take it or not. Then I said-cannot take it also have to take it, unless I'm prepared to be a housewife for the rest of my life. Went on to the topic of finding a partner. One thing led to another and I was reminded of my silly sis asking last night if I wanted to be introduced to her colleague.

She said, "Do you want to get to know my colleague? Very nice person, single and illegible."

I was guffawing and said "Illegible I don't want."

Am I that old? I'm only 22!

Miss those days.

I lost my entry after the computer went crazy. Even blogger seems a little unstable now so don't think I'll try to write the same stuff again. Here goes:



Let the picture do the talking.

In the morning, I take the bus hoping that I would get a seat. Then on the way to boarding the train, I hope I get a seat and a copy of "Today". When I do get seats on both the train and bus and a copy of the newspaper, I tell myself it's luck and it would be a great day ahead. So far it's happened twice. I realise that I got seats on both modes of transport because I was to be prepared to work extra hard that day. I also got the newspaper because I was to read extra that day. Life is fair, sometimes.

Hope I won't be updating this blog just once a week. For the last week, I really felt burnt out and didn't even log sometimes. Perhaps I am only starting to realise that I do not have the stamina to work long hours and stay up at night. So I have started to sleep earlier at around 10 plus to 11 (breaking the rule tonight) and I find that I can function better in the day.

I'm starting to feel stressed at work. Many times, I have to tell myself to cool it and focus on things one at a time. Besides, I'm also starting to feel that it's tough working as a servant. We're under public scrutiny all the time and even when we do try our best, people aren't satisfied. It feels like I'm back to those days in council where many people didn't understand and only knew how to criticize. I had forgotten about how it felt until now. Those who only know how to pinpoint and give stupid suggestions should just keep quiet unless they have something constructive to contribute.

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The play was quite okay. At some points, it was actually good. Interesting that they used the various slides as backgrounds. The ground with boxes. The piano - I was thinking what damage was done to it as so they sat on it.
The play was hilarious and touching at the same time. Selfless love was a theme which revolved around many of the subplots. However, I didn't really like all the stereotypes and all the hugging. Made me feel that it was because the actors weren't comfortable with kissing that's why they hugged. It looked funny. Don't ask me why but I just felt that way at that point in time. Some parts of it were rather draggy too. Or perhaps, I don't really know a lot about gays so I can't really judge if it really portrayed their lives well. Or perhaps, I was just too tired to really think properly. It was quite a nightmare reaching there on the dot just in time to sit in the last row and after having to rush to the Esplanade after swallowing dinner after the rehearsal. Was sorry having to make my cousin wait for me. After the play, we went to the taxi stand to wait and ended up calling for a cab.

Other than that, it was just work and work. V day was a no event as I just went home to watch tv and ended up falling asleep at 8 plus. Sometimes, I feel that we're all growing further apart. I don't mean that it's anyone's fault. Or it could be mine, maybe something's wrong with me. I'm starting to feel that I'm so alone. I realise that when I feel alone, it is always the worst time to find anyone because that's the time when I will find no one. On V day, I wanted to have dinner out but the only people I could think of were out, sick or tired. I went home to my mom.

That's me. That's life for now.

This entry is so down so I have to end it with something optimistic. It will be a better week ahead for you and me!

After doing volunteer work at the office last evening, I decided I wasn't going to go home and rot away the rest of my weekend. The long nights spent at the office the past week made me feel that I needed to go out for a breather. Called WW and he was having tuition. Oh well, i told him nevermind and I went ahead myself. Then while I was in the queue at Lido to buy a ticket for "Lost in Translation" , I suddenly got a call from him. Bought two tickets in the end and spent some time walking around in Kino and Borders when he finally reached Orchard.

It's nice to have company from a friend who's been by your side for about eight years. When we meet, we always have a lot to talk about. No stress at all about fearing silence. So we were talking and finding a place to have dinner when we realised that it was crowded everywhere. Saw a colleague at Wheelock place. At least I think I recognised the right person. Didn't say hello though.

In the end, we went to the best place to have dinner. KFC. There were quite a lot of seats. I ate pop corn chicken which is what PL always tells me that it's the worst thing to order because you never know what kind of meat goes into it. Oh well, nevermind. I didn't manage to finish it in the end anyway. We were planning on eating Fish fan but it is silly to eat fish in KFC so WW ordered nuggets and I had whipped potato other than popcorn chicken. He looked a little disgusted when I mixed up the rest of the whipped potato and then signalled that I was going to put the bbq sauce in as well. Hahaha. Anyway, I was quite touched even if I didn't show it yesterday. WW named the 10 most important friends in his life when a related topic came up and I was pleasantly surprised. It's not anything about feeling the "I'm in the top ten!" kind of feeling. I also don't know how to describe the exact feeling but I'm really glad. Anyway, you're also in my top ten, even if I don't say it aloud. Thanks for always being around.

The movie was okay. I didn't get to watch Coppola's first film, "The Virgin Suicides" so I don't know if she has improved or not. I didn't really get what "Lost in Translation" was about. Maybe if you do watch it, let me know what you think of it. So far the reviews I have read are mixed. Either you really hate it or think that the various subtleties were great. For me, maybe I'm too dense to catch on to the many subtleties in the film.

After the movie, we joined our secondary school friends over at Kallang, near the cosybay place. We sat on the clock and talked. The place is really very different from what it used to be like back in secondary school. Thoroughly enjoyed myself looking at the surroundings. Very beautiful. Even if I got scolded for returning home close to 2 a.m., I was really glad that we went.

I like this sentence that II said:

"We get strength in challenges, courage from difficulties."

He added one last statement of "Wisdom from crisis" but I don't really like it as much as the first.

Maybe it will inspire you too. Strength. Courage. I need those.

It's been a long week. I have never worked till so late with my team members, not even back in the council days or while doing projects back in university. And I'm still going to do volunteer work tomorrow at the office. Supposed to go scs tomorrow but don't think I can make it now.

During dinner, my colleagues and I talked quite a lot. Then we went on to bitch about the various things at work. Then it went on to salary talk. Told my colleagues just now that I'm cheap labour. That's very true because when they heard how much I was getting, they were kind of surprised. Oh well. Nevermind, I think I don't mind the long hours and the pay as long as I have room to learn. For the time being, it's still fine. Challenging. I'm starting to feel like the old me. Like I'm starting to really open my eyes. To have a nimble mind. Like I'm solving problems every second of my time.

It's tiring though. I'm practically thinking so much the whole time that my mind doesn't rest enough even when I can finally go home. Every night as I trudge along to the train station, I think a lot. In the first few weeks of work, I would dream about work. These days it's a little better because I simply fall into a very deep sleep.

Sis has finally got a job. She got the bank job that I went to an interview for but failed miserably. When I first heard that she was successful, I felt a mixture of emotions. Happy for her and disappointed with myself. Anyway, I told myself that it was all right, I'd soon get over the bad feelings very soon. That's me, I can forget unhappy stuff quite fast. As long as it's nothing too serious. It was a learning experience and well, do you believe in fate? I do, at least a little. Even though I didn't get that job, I'm now doing something that allows more personal development.

Don't really know what to write about. Some things at work, a lot of reflections; they are clouding my mind now. Can't think very straight. Will write again.

A new week ahead

Going for a play next Thursday! Landmarks- Asian Boys Vol 2. It's a gay-themed play. The last time I watched a gay-themed play, my friend recognised to his horror some gays he saw at the gym. Heh. Oh well. This time round we won't recognise anyone. Originally wanted to go on the 13th but it was fully booked. Another something to look forward to in the meantime. Like what you say, take a break, bond, enjoy eye-candy and appreciate the arts.

It's going to be a tough day tomorrow. I know it's going to be. Have to meet a couple of deadlines that are going to be a major headache. I feel like strangling the necks of those people who have failed to give me the stuff I need after 2 reminders. Too bad. They have bigger necks than my hands can circle.

I haven't finished the work I brought home over the weekend. Not a good idea; I shan't bring anything back home next time. Hope this week will be a better week than the last. Anyway it's going to be a rather short week. Cross my fingers and hope nothing goes wrong.

Š?Žq-ˆ¢ŒK

Hols aren't hols. Bleah.

Nut sent a url: http://bbs.kokomusic.net/ShowPost.htm?id=3329

My connection is not fast enough to view this movie but I gather it should be rather touching. If what images I could see paint an adequate picture of what was going on, I guess it should be a girl who, in the pursuit of her dreams, lost someone she loved.

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