It's late and I really should be sleeping right now but I just want to write something.

Haven't been writing in my real journal for quite some time. Haven't been up to it. Went to SCS for logistics packing tonight after work and I got home close to midnight. Had forgotten to bring my handphone this morning and when I got to my doorstep, I was trapped outside. The neighbour's dogs barked fiercely and sounded like they were about to run out any moment and I was feeling the kind of fear I felt when we were chased by dogs at Ubin. Close to midnight, I was outside my home and taking the lift up and down. I checked the phone booth downstairs but I realised to my dismay that it was phonecard-operated. I went up, tried again but no one answered the door. The dogs just kept barking. My legs turned numb with fear. Took the lift down again, feeling tired and panicky. There was no one around. It was quiet. Then I saw a man going up the stairs and I asked if I could borrow his handphone. He obliged and I managed to call home.

Mom was at the door when I reached my floor and I ran all the way to the gate. She only said that I could have shouted at the neighbours to keep their dogs in and whatever. And why didn't I bring my handphone? I held my tears and told her I was so scared the dogs would run out and bite me. Why I had knocked on the door so many times and no one responded. Then I went on to ask again, why I couldn't have the house keys?

She started to say things I didn't want to hear. I didn't listen and I went to the bathroom to bathe straightaway. That was when the tears started flowing.

It wasn't so much of the fear. Rather, it was more of the same few issues which continue to frustrate me and I continue to wonder. I reach the same conclusion. Nothing. Nothing I've ever done all these years helped.

What is the symbolism of a key? To me, it is not freedom. It is trust.

Reached home at around 2 a.m. and I'm actually just feeling a little tired. It was a long day at work as usual. However at six p.m., we went straight to the toilet to change into casual wear. Took the MRT down to Jurong East and had dinner, after which, we proceeded to the ice skating rink.

It was my first attempt at ice-skating. My first impression was that the skates were rather heavy and it was very hard compared to normal shoes. Then onto the ice we went and I basically held onto the handrail for dear life for the first half hour or so. Couldn't even walk properly on the ice and for the first five minutes, my colleague and I were laughing so much because it was so slippery and we looked very stupid.

After some time, we did manage to move around. The one or two hours I had tried in-line skating helped a teeny weeny bit. Looking at the people around us moving so fast scared me a little because I was afraid of collision. Fortunately I didn't collide into anyone and didn't fall. On the overall, it was quite an enjoyable experience. Just that my feet are aching a bit now.

When we got out of the place at around 10 p.m., most of the colleagues went home. Four of us went to town to catch "Bourne Supremacy". Matt Damon. Karl Urban. Non-stop action. Unrealistic it was and cliches here and there but it was really, really exciting. Hope there will be another sequel.

Well, I'm now home and it's time for some rest. Have a good weekend.

And yes, I just read the news. Ronald Susilo has advanced again. He beat the German. Hey hey, let's all forget the excitement and take it slow and steady. Cross our fingers and toes and wish for the best. It's really great to see something phenomenal like this.

I want to watch the matches! Bleaaaah.

Sis is blasting her erhem, Andrew Williams' album. It's close to midnight now.

Wrote on some paper while I was travelling home tonight.

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It's 10.35 p.m. The train I'm on is quite empty compared to the morning madding crowd and there are still quite a number of stations before I reach my destination. People around me are chatting, getting some shut-eye, looking tired. It's the usual weekday night when people just want to go home and rest. As for me, I'm just writing because I don't want to fall asleep.

It had been a rather long but fruitful day. Was rather focused and productive during work and managed to catch a nap during lunchtime. It was about 20 minutes but it felt like I had a long, long nap. Complete unconsciousness. Well, it really helped. I'm still feeling awake. Last Tuesday's meeting at SCS was really a torture because I was ill-prepared, depressed and extremely exhausted. Today it was rather fine. We even had a drink and chat after the meeting.

Things are better now I guess. Realised that I have been pushing myself too hard. Too many 12-hour working days cooped in my little cubicle, staring at the computer screen. So I made a change. Go home at six or seven even when I don't finish my work for the day (anyway, work can never be finished) and I try to get things organised at home. My life at home. Tried doing laundry on a weekday night last week and it turned out to be a rather enjoyable experience. I mean, it's quite a not-fun thing to do during the weekends. I practically hand-wash all my working clothes. However that weekday night, I just washed and washed. I sang, thought about quite a lot of things while handwashing clothes and I basically felt quite happy. It's quite ironic, I tease my colleague about her going marketing and mopping the floor all the time but now I'm enjoying something similar.

As I did laundry on the weekday, I did nothing much during the weekend but read and watch tv and sleep. Yesterday, I went out to dinner and to the library on the spur of the moment. It made me feel that hey, I'm leading a very ordinary life but I'm feeling happy. I'm happy doing all these simple things. I actually didn't have to think so hard and feel sad about nothing materialising. It's just that I didn't believe that things can be so simple.

I just lost the entry I was trying to write by stupidly pressing on the F5 key. It's too late to start writing everything all over again so I'll just summarise whatever I had written just now:

a) I slept a lot today
b) I watched some of the Olympic events today, namely swimming and gymnastics and I enjoyed myself because it reminded me of my childhood when I could watch the events for most of the day. Not like now when I most probably can only watch the news for the daily summaries.
c) I read "Tuesdays with Morrie", a book which I bought for D for Christmas but never got down to reading. Sister got that book as a present from someone else. Reading it made me think a bit and it was good for me, I guess. Even though there are many online reviews that it is repetitive and over-idealistic, it still makes quite a lot of sense to me and it briefly made my eyes water a little. I think I'm happy with most of the books and movies I consume, save for those that really are bad. I'm too mainstream.

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Had six cups of water in the last hour. I know it's quite stupid but it's just me trying to make up for the lack of fluid intake. Working life is bad in the way that I hardly get to drink the necessary 8 cups. I made some mental notes today.

1) Drink at least 8 cups of water daily
2) Have more food. More food.
3) Be more optimistic.
4) Talk less nonsense.
5) Give of more of myself to people.
6) Revise Japanese more frequently
7) Read more and be more proactive
8) Fill in application form for volunteering at a local hospital.
9) Exercise more frequently

I know that the purpose of living will not come to me easily. It's time to take more concrete action.