It's late and I really should be sleeping right now but I just want to write something.

Haven't been writing in my real journal for quite some time. Haven't been up to it. Went to SCS for logistics packing tonight after work and I got home close to midnight. Had forgotten to bring my handphone this morning and when I got to my doorstep, I was trapped outside. The neighbour's dogs barked fiercely and sounded like they were about to run out any moment and I was feeling the kind of fear I felt when we were chased by dogs at Ubin. Close to midnight, I was outside my home and taking the lift up and down. I checked the phone booth downstairs but I realised to my dismay that it was phonecard-operated. I went up, tried again but no one answered the door. The dogs just kept barking. My legs turned numb with fear. Took the lift down again, feeling tired and panicky. There was no one around. It was quiet. Then I saw a man going up the stairs and I asked if I could borrow his handphone. He obliged and I managed to call home.

Mom was at the door when I reached my floor and I ran all the way to the gate. She only said that I could have shouted at the neighbours to keep their dogs in and whatever. And why didn't I bring my handphone? I held my tears and told her I was so scared the dogs would run out and bite me. Why I had knocked on the door so many times and no one responded. Then I went on to ask again, why I couldn't have the house keys?

She started to say things I didn't want to hear. I didn't listen and I went to the bathroom to bathe straightaway. That was when the tears started flowing.

It wasn't so much of the fear. Rather, it was more of the same few issues which continue to frustrate me and I continue to wonder. I reach the same conclusion. Nothing. Nothing I've ever done all these years helped.

What is the symbolism of a key? To me, it is not freedom. It is trust.