Nauseous and drowning.

Maybe I slept too much during the weekend. I woke up at around six plus in the morning feeling like I didn't sleep at all. Then I tried to get back to sleep but the sky started to turn blue. Got out of bed and went to work.

There was so much to do today. I knew Boss was in a bad mood because I could hear the sound of her sighing very loudly, making impatient noises and slamming down the phone numerous times. But then again, she is hardly in a good mood nowadays.

No one's really having a great time at work nowadays. With all the bad news and influx, I really think there's either something called bad fengshui or perennial bad luck. I was on a high today. Not the good type. The kind where you are high-strung the entire day and have no appetite. I had three quarters of a BK burger, five or six fries and three quarters of a regular Coke. Ate and drank in front of the computer. Felt nauseous after eating. Now, after dinner, the nice fresh steamed fish I had seems to be all mixed up with the rice and mushroom and salted fish and swimming up to my throat. I'm trying hard to burp so that some air comes out and some food sinks back into my oesophagus.

Disgusting I know but I'm feeling so tired that I seem to be really detached. And it's only Monday.

Gosh. Sigh, may I have the strength to make tomorrow a better one.

Well, tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm supposed to hand in a draft paper but I haven't even finished it and it got murdered. When I showed whatever I had written so far to Boss at around 7 p.m., she said it wasn't supposed to be like this, wasn't supposed to be like that.

It is okay. At least I have got more time to draft another one now.

Tomorrow the auditors are coming. AUDITORS! Sigh.

---

How much more can I take? How much longer? I wonder if life will be better when the project ends in December but I know life will only be tougher with the departure of the two officers.

What will become of me?

Heartaches

Currently listening to: Somebody~ Depeche Mode

I survived today. Entire day of meetings (well, almost!). It's now 12 midnight and I'm about to sleep. Meetings zapped my energy. Some other news too. Someone else just tendered resignation. Didn't expect it to be so soon.

It is as crazy as always. I'm really weary but I keep on going. One day after another and the weekend comes. I take a breather. Then another week comes.

Then I think it isn't so bad after all. I think I'm still a lot more fortunate than many people out there. Today TT helped me call someone back and that person has got cancer. Not the worst case we have got but it still saddens me somewhat. I can never forget that couple whose son died and who now live in a rented one-room flat. Both old, sick and lonely. I heard her cry on the phone.

Heart aches.

---

Someone else's story. Shouldn't be really talking about it here but I'll just write enough for me to know.

Marriage and divorce shouldn't be taken lightly. Love shouldn't be received and then thrown away without much thought. Her happiness shouldn't be treated secondary to your own.

She says she's all right. She has always been strong and been through greater challenges.

I have few comforting words to say. My heart aches. What are my heartaches compared to theirs?

Short weekend

Currently listening to: The dumbing down of love~Frou Frou

Music is worthless unless it can make a complete stranger break down and cry.

The words in the cd cover are maybe a font size 6 or 7. Very, very small and squeezed together. I'll find time to read them some time. The cd I'm listening to now was the last piece left on the shelf in HMV. I'm glad I bought it.

---

Yesterday I reached the workplace at 8 a.m. I haven't worked on a Saturday in quite some time and I was really quite tired. After work, I took a walk down to the nearby Hans for lunch. Then I took a train down to Somerset and walked to Cineleisure to get my ticket for Sin City. Crossed the road over to Heeren and there was this M1 roadshow going on. People could go to the tent and do some kicking. (I think it was the beginning of some football league yesterday so they had this game). If they got a goal, they would get some jersey or some prize. I think WKRZ's DJ Jensen Ho was there hosting the event. Orchard Road was really bustling with activity with roadshows here and there and as usual, I had to say tons of "sorry, no thanks" to all those people asking for survey forms to be filled in and credit card applications.

Sin City was a fun movie to watch. I liked the black and white and the strong colours used (like red and yellow and I can't remember what other colours). It was funny and reminded me of Kill Bill with all those blood and violence. The dunking of heads into the toilet bowl scenes were disgusting. Both the girl next to me and myself were going "eee". I thought Marv looked rather clumsy (like all brawns without brains) and whenever he said to himself that it must be because he didn't take his medicine that he was seeing things, I wanted to laugh. Hahaha. Dwight was cool. But the scenes with Gail (sp?) were quite funny. Josh Hartnett (the salesman?) was this male vase in the movie. I don't understand how Hartigan could survive with all those gunshot wounds. (But then again, stories are stories. It doesn't have to be that realistic). Nancy was cool but again, the part where she initiated the kiss and sleeping with Hartigan was quite hard to understand. As in why?

Miho was cool! Devon Aoki's got such a special looking face. And that yellow thing. Yuck. When Hartigan was talking about the smell, I could imagine it. Kevin with the white lens looked funny. He reminded me of a perverted ninja. Woah, those heads on the wall. Was one of those Nancy's? I really thought one of the heads looked like hers. Since the stories were inter-woven, it's possible that Nancy got eaten up?

Now, who else was there?

---

I don't feel like going to work tomorrow. Monday and Thursday are going to kill me. Hahaha. =(

The night she sang all her songs, except for fairy tale woman.

Currently listening to: Free- Corrinne May

I'm deadbeat.

So I watched Corrinne May sing tonight at the Esplanade Concert Hall. Was with Audrey and we were seated at row O, 10 and 11.

Big stage, great acoustics. The stage was set up in a simple manner as usual. She sat at a grand piano (which covered most of her body) and five people accompanied her throughout (except the end, where she did an encore herself).

There were minor technical glitches. The mike failed at the end of a song and she was testing it after the staff helped fix it. Nice humming and piano playing, haha. It was like chill-out, lounge music. Then during "The Birthday Song", she forgot the part "every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be" but the crowd was encouraging. Was glad to see so many people who love her music as well.

Wonder why she didn't sing "Every beat of my heart" and "Walk away" until she came back to do the encore. I remember she also didn't sing "Walk away" in the 2003 concert.

Lovely voice as usual. I like watching her sing live. It touches me a lot. Even though I was really tired throughout the concert, I kept awake. Soon it was the last song and I was a little sad yet happy. Sad because I have to wait again for her to come back to SG to perform. Happy because I could finally go to the toilet to zip up my pants. I forgot to zip. Oh my. Audrey gave me a bright idea to try to discreetly zip up when I was in the concert hall but I decided not to. Even though everyone was engrossed in listening to her sing, I believed that the person sitting next to me would be able to see.

Fortunately I didn't try in the theatre. Because when we got out, Audrey's friend from church stopped her to chit-chat and we realised that we were actually sitting in the same row. This could only mean that the girl sitting next to me came with Audrey's friend. Hahaha. Luckily. =)

Wanted to have ice-cream after the concert but we decided against it. Reached home early and now I'm here listening to her on my computer. I wish I brought my cds for the autograph session so I can see her face to face but well, I forgot. Sigh.

I'm inspired that she's doing something she loves for a living. I hope I can too, someday.

*Small world. I saw my JC friend in the toilet and then I spotted former DJ Yang Junwei at the concert (with some other DJ I couldn't recognise).

You're beautiful | How I celebrated National Day

I think I first heard James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" on a Sunday morning some weeks back. Then, I watched the music video on his website. The music video was about him taking off his raincoat and clothes, laying out all his belongings and then jumping into the sea. Strangely, as someone pointed out to me, when he took off his clothes and threw them onto the ground, his clothes had disappeared when he sat down.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high, (shouldn't it be "flying high"? I'm sure I heard "flying high".)
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

The lyrics are quite clich�d but I still like it.

---

I'm supposed to do some work today. Haven't done it yet. I slept in today, met up with MS in the afternoon for lunch. We went to this place in Little India and ordered too much food. Nevertheless, it was an interesting experience as I had never gone to Little India for Indian food. The food was quite good too.

After that, we went to Orchard Road where he got some shirts and we walked around. Coincidentally, we spotted his ex in the crowd. Only got to see her back though.

Hope MS wasn't too bored. I still felt sleepy when I met him so I didn't talk much. Ha Ha.

---

In the evening, Mom didn't cook my dinner so I asked Nut if he wanted to eat dinner. Ended up meeting this online friend/neighbour of nearly 5 years for the first time in our neighbourhood food centre. It was really comical because he was covering his nose when I saw him. And he told me not to look! I thought he knocked his nose onto something but he actually shaved a part of his nose off. (all right, he just nicked a bit and it bled).

It's Nut's birthday tomorrow. Nut, happy birthday to you! Thanks for the friendship you've given me in the past five years......

---

I'm really very sleepy.

---

Corrinne May's concert tomorrow. Yay!

Bossa Nova for company.

Met up with the BV gang tonight. There were five of us tonight. Bubbly, Cloud and SF were missed. Bubbly had a family dinner while Cloud wasn't free to meet up. As for SF, he is away on an island in the Caribbean, probably working at the time we were having dinner.

There was the usual exchange of stories over dinner at this japanese kare place at Capitol building. Then it was time to part ways. PL and G went back to campus while KL and J went home to rest. KL is flying off to KL (yah. all the acronyms I have been using) for a business trip. J has work tomorrow.

I'm still on course tomorrow and I didn't feel like going home at that time. So I bade them farewell and walked towards Raffles City and then walked to City Link. Actually, there wasn't much to look at and almost everyone was walking in the opposite direction. I had the impulse to turn back to go with the human flow. To take the train home so that I could rest. I didn't. I walked towards HMV and took a look at the CDs and DVDs. They are having a summer sale and I wanted to buy Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. So that I could watch it again because I didn't fully understand it the first time I watched it.

Didn't get it in the end as it was region 3. Bleah. Anyway, I bought an audio cd instead. Walked out of HMV feeling just a wee bit excited. Boarded the train. This couple behaving lovey dovey, about 60 cm away from me. I looked away.

Alighted from the train and walked towards the bus stop. As I sat down and looked up into the night sky, I suddenly remembered and eased out an old photo from my wallet pocket. At first I only dared to look at half of the picture. Then I moved the entire picture out from where it was hidden. Looked at it for a few seconds and then placed it back again.

It's August again. The red and white. Fireworks. Beautiful night sky.

Throwing away the self-absorbed I.

It's August. A new month and a new beginning.

I went for my long break in mid-July. When I was away, people in the office were working their butts off. When I return to work on Wednesday, I promise myself that I will remain positive and smile even when the going gets rough. I have been too absorbed in my own problems at work till I couldn't see how the others are trying to cope and how tired they are.

Read a friend's entry earlier. It is only after reading her entry that I finally realised how she felt. I'm sorry if I seemed insensitive or too busy to care.

I do care.

---

There was once when I broke down in the office. Actually twice (I suddenly remembered the second time, haha). First time was when I ran to the office toilet to cry. The second time was at my cubicle after office hours, when a few friends saw me cry and came to comfort me.

I never wanted to cry in the office. Never. I promised myself that I would never cry publicly again. So I always brought the tears back home. Those were the days that when I got home from work, I would just go straight to the room, cry my heart out and then eat dinner in the living room like nothing was wrong. It was only early this year that I couldn't take it anymore. I was burnt out and just kept pretending that things were okay.

However, things did get better after a while. Then it became worse. Then it became better again. Then I got my long break. Which is actually not that long. =)(and why did we have to work till 9 p.m. that night!)

And it's now August. I tell myself that time passes. No matter how bad something is, like how badly I prepared for some presentation or how awful something was, time will pass and I will be doing something else very soon. Like the time when I was in the toilet crying, I knew I had to stop crying and then go back to my cubicle to do my work. Because it's only by facing the issue bravely that I will make the time pass by more meaningfully. And before I know it, I will be going home.

I know I don't practise it all the time but I will. I will, I will and I will!

Hope you cheer up and have a better week ahead!