I love you too much to make you stay. Baby, fly away......

I've been busy. I think of random things to write as I sit at the bus stop in the morning listening to the radio, as I look out the window when in the bus, or when I observe people in the train. Then when I get to work, everything gets thrown out of my brain and I become yet another zombie in the city.

Sure, there are things to write, like how Au and I were in time to watch T'ang Quartet (we were rushing again) or how my piano lessons have been (it's kinda funny seeing a really small kid, maybe five or six years old, coming out of my teacher's room before my lesson each week. How cute. I'm such an old student). But I wish I had more to write. How I wish I have more interesting things to say.

---

So Hrin is now in Vietnam to work. I missed the opportunity to meet up with her in December. And SF is coming back to Singapore on 11 February. I actually miss hanging out with SF. =) Doing things like KTV (and KTV and KTV).

Think most of us should be able to make it to the airport to have a nice chat over lunch. There must be a lot of really crazy stories and other crap which we'll throw in. So looking forward to it!

Talking about the airport. Well, I don't really like sending people off. It's that funny feeling of sadness when somebody I know goes away for a long period of time. I mean, if I didn't go to the airport to send the person off, the feeling is just that of "oh, ___ is going off to ___ for __ years. When will __ be back?" and occasionally thinking of "How is __ getting on?" during special occasions like new year or Christmas. But when I do send the person off at the airport, once the glass separates us and we wave goodbye to each other, there are these feelings of uncertainty and loss which linger and linger.

Like when I was a small kid, when we went to the airport to send Uncle Sotong off to Japan, everyone was giving him a hug. When it came to my turn, I was a little embarrassed and I remember I hid my face in his long, black coat as he gave me a warm hug. Or the time when Couz went overseas to study and I was still in the bird-shit green school uniform. And the time when FF went overseas to study and I sort of cried while waiting for the MRT to start moving from the Changi Airport station.

Getting a little sad writing this.

I miss everyone who's away from home or those who are no longer here. I miss the people I couldn't keep close to me.

So, when are you coming back? When will I see you again? If we're of different religions, will we end up in the same place? Why did you have to leave me? What could I have done to make you stay?

Questions you can't answer.

Waltz. I hope you dance.

Attended another colleague's wedding dinner last night. I don't love attending wedding dinners and it was a pain getting myself out of the house yesterday because I was feeling tired from the past week of work and the feast from the previous night. Buddy brought Au and I to the Bar and Billiard Room at Raffles Hotel and we ate a LOT. So much so that I still didn't feel hungry the next day.

Anyway, back to the wedding dinner last night. Out of the many I have been attending the past one year or so, I think this was the most tastefully done and the classiest. The couple did a waltz and I was really, really impressed. =) Even though I got a headache from the wine and got rather tired of the conversation which was going on (especially that of when I was going to get hitched), what will remain after a really long time will be the memory of the couple waltzing. So lovely.

Talk later.

Bringing forward, moving forward.

It's time to get back to work tomorrow. It's going to be a tough few weeks ahead and I'm quite scared, no matter how much I have been psyching myself. The project is to be fully implemented by end February/early March and the bulk of what I have been worrying about all this while is going to be rolled out in mid January.

It's going to be over soon. Over soon. Over soon. Hang in there, will you?

Work aside, I signed up for piano lessons today. The first lesson is on this Sunday. My impression of the school so far with regards to its customer service is quite bad, considering it's one of the major music schools in the country and just on this fact alone, it really should have better service. Compared to my workplace where we have stated service standards, this school never got back to my email and my sis thought their branch phone line wasn't in use anymore. I thought so too until I managed to get through after lunch today. I went and got my questions answered. Well, they'd probably reply my email after a couple of weeks and probably won't even realise that the sender has already started attending lessons.

Never mind, let's just see how it goes.

Goodbye to 2005. Hello 2006!

It's New Year's Day, 2006. It's a sunny day.

There was this thing I made an entry of last January. This year's entry:

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?

Leading a new team at work and doing things like appraisal etc. Working till I felt my eyeballs would drop out. Experiencing the extreme downs of working life when roped into doing a one-year project. Paying more attention to skincare, like really getting down to makeup removal, cleansing, toning, moisturising blah blah blah. Coughing till I thought I might get asthma.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't think I made any resolutions. Maybe for work I did want more of this and that but I think things remained rather stagnant when it came to learning. Yes, I'll learning and experiencing more things outside of work. Save more for rainy days! More exercise!

I'm going to learn piano!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I don't think so.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, of course not.

5. What countries did you visit?

Only KL early this year with XL, CJWD and his friend. Again, my travel plans were swept into the bin when the project started.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

I want to travel. I want more solid friendships. More love, a bigger heart.

7. What dates/events from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory?

Watching Corrinne May's concert at the Esplanade with Au.

Watching "The Sound of Music" with Couz and having lunch at Amara that day.

Having dinner at "The Line" with colleagues.

Sometime in June 2005 when I met up with H. It was a Saturday night and we went to watch "Mr and Mrs Smith" after dinner and shopping for shoes.

25 November 2005 when I went to watch "Rent" with Au.

DT's birthday celebrated over dinner and karaoke.

Going out with DT to Istana on a public holiday (I think it was either Hari Raya or Deepavali)

Meeting MS a couple of times this year (PS and then Bugis where we had dinner) and then National Day when we went to Little India to have lunch.

Meeting Mike when he came to Singapore.

Meeting Groundnut for the first time on National Day to have dinner.

Meeting TG for "In Good Company".

Receiving a postcard from Groundnut.

Singing karaoke overnight thrice with colleagues.

Watching "A lot like love" at padang with Su and DT.

Having dinner at Shashlik with Buddy and Au.

Watching "A Broadway Christmas Carol" with Au and meeting SC for the first time.

Watching "Oi, Sleeping Beauty" with PL and RT.

Watching "Drunken Prawns" with DT.

Celebrating my birthday with WW and PL.

Watching "Lilya forever" with PL and her sister on Christmas Eve and then walking at Orchard Road.

Eating out with Mom and sis and eating crabs with them at home.

Watching "Harry Potter" with sis.

Going to Linda's place for Hari Raya.

Meeting up with xuanxuan when she was back in sg.

Wedding dinners (J, Ast, F, TT) and housewarmings.

and the list goes on. =)

8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?

Think there were no big achievements. Can surviving the past year be an achievement?

9. What was your biggest failure?

Breaking down and throwing tempers. Crying in front of my boss.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I fell sick in June and in December.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Haha. Hmm. Some pieces of clothing, shoes, skin products, mp3 player, digicam.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

This is a funny question. Not quite sure how to answer.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

A few but I want to forgive and forget. Including myself.

14. Where did most of your money go?

I seriously think that most of it went to food and entertainment and presents.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The shows I watched this year. Best shows I watched were "Sound of Music", "Safe in a crazy world" and "A Broadway Christmas Carol". I was really excited about "Rent" too but it made me really disappointed.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2005?

Details" - "Let go".

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
* Happier or sadder? About the same
* Thinner or fatter? About the same
* Richer or poorer? About the same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Volunteer work and getting in touch with people I should get in touch with.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Thinking negatively at work and worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas? I think I spent it at home.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005? With things I guess. Things like music, books, shows.

With regards to romantic love, I guess not. I guess I have given up somehow. Call it detachment or numbness or whatever.

22. How many one night stands in this last year?

I wonder how many % of the people answering this question has more than 0.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Do DVD/VCDs count? If so, SMALLVILLE! Garden State.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don't think I hate anyone. Disappointed, yes. Disappointment with the same few people.

25. What was the best book you read?

The time traveller's wife. Seven types of ambiguity was quite difficult to read but it was not bad.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I got a few new CDs this year. Coldplay and Lisa Ono.

27. What did you want and get?

More things to look forward outside work.

28. What did you want and not get?

More friends. Somehow, it's more difficult to befriend people when you're working.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?

I didn't get to watch many films this year.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went out with WW and PL. (refer to birthday entry).
I was 24.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Getting a better job. Haha.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

Black black black. Doesn't mean I like it. It's just easy in the morning.

33. What kept you sane?

Going out for performances and taking leave.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?

Nobody. Either rubbish or better left undiscussed.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Had no time for politics this year. I am turning into a bimbo.

36. Who did you miss?

The usual people. I also miss my old self.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Quite a few from the workplace. Without them the project would be not moving at all. Outside work, I didn't really meet anyone new, except people like Mike, SC, Nut.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.

To not be so naive and take things at face value.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

'cos there's beauty in the breakdown.