This is where I write to keep friends updated on my life. No politics, no heavy stuff, just some ranting sometimes. -ephemerally yours.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Letting go.
I remembered I had a blog I kept briefly from 2002 to 2003 and read it just now. Just 26 entries but rather interesting to read. Because I have already forgotten some of the things I wrote about. Because I can't really remember all the characters I wrote about as I used acronyms which I don't know why I used them then.
There is this entry I wrote about my 21st birthday. I mentioned birthday cards. One of them would be the last birthday card I would ever receive from this particular person. I even listed the content in that blog entry. I received an sms from the same person who sent me that card. Was tempted to think of reasons to justify the cold attitude but I told myself not too.
Last night, I went to Lee Hom's concert with A. A had bought a sony-ericsson phone a couple of weeks ago and had got complimentary tickets to the concert. Used to like him a lot in secondary school when I listened to a lot of chinese songs and radio. But I hardly listen to any these days and I only know one of his new songs i.e. Kiss Goodbye. So, I went there thinking I would be contented with hearing those songs I know and like. Like "Forever Love", "Bu Yao Hai Pa", "Gong Zhuan Zi Zhuan" etc. Well, I was really surprised by his ability to sing so well live and play so many instruments (he played the piano, violin, er-hu and drums). He danced only okay but his voice is so good! I can't really appreciate his "chinked-out" type of music and the rapping but listening to him and watching him play those instruments really just wowed me. Live singing is really very different from the recorded version; you can feel the songs so much more.
Last night, Kit Chan, Su Zhicheng, Taufik and probably other artistes were in the audience. Lee Hom was saying how he had a crush on Kit Chan when he first entered the scene and dedicated a song to her. He also said that Singaporeans can sing, judging by the number of stars it has produced, like Kit, Stephanie, JJ (and I can't remember). Disproportionate to the size of the country. Other than these things, he mentioned that he got a day off from Ang Lee to have this concert (his last for the tour) and would continue filming "Lust, caution" today. Tough life as a star.
I had the impression that singers would talk a lot during their performances so as to get some rest from the singing and dancing. He didn't talk much last night so I can only remember these things he said. Oh, and the video clip that his fan club made of his various trips to Singapore. It was really touching to watch. The other more interesting thing to watch during his concert was the kungfu and breakdance performance.
Anyway, I came home and surfed a bit on him. Came across this post in his fan forum that is pretty interesting. Click here So much of his inspiration for his songs comes from his own relationship. It's rather sad. Having a long-distance relationship which did not work out despite having been together for five years. When made to choose between music and her, he said that both were equally important to him but she chose to leave him. His feelings for her are evident in many songs and the ones I like more are "Forever Love" (which he wrote for his ex 'cos she was getting engaged and getting married) and "永遠的第一天"(which he wrote when his ex did not turn up for his brother's wedding. Like in the mtv, it was his wish that he had gone to the airport and she had turned up after all. And that their love was as strong as when it had first started).
I especially like 永遠的第一天 after last night's concert. Last night, I heard it like I heard it for the first time.
It's been a really bad day. I thought by sleeping at 1030 p.m. yesterday, I would sleep the frustration and exhaustion away. It didn't help because the day started very badly and it didn't get better. And I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat. Which will probably go away only when I manage to fall asleep.
It's not that I didn't try to make myself feel better. I'm just very tired of doing this all the time. Motivating myself and then getting demotivated at work. And I don't even think I should be this upset over what happened. But it's not because of what happened. Rather it was the "who" which upsetted me the most.
I don't know what else to say. I need to grow an extra shoulder.
Almost everyday after work, I wait at this bus-stop opposite my workplace for the bus. Almost everyday, at the bus-stop, the wind blows at me without fail. The kind of wind which makes your hair fly and gives you the chills. Like those fans at Carrefour, blowing at you constantly, oscillating.
I wonder what makes the wind so strong at that bus-stop. It's strange because there are really tall buildings in the area.
It's a tiring Monday. It was a tiring weekend. But I suddenly feel awake. Because I just took a sip of this apple and strawberry juice that mom made. It's sour! Tangy! And it looks like watermelon juice.
Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy.
I'm starting to play reallllly badly during piano lessons. The scores are getting more difficult. I am getting less disciplined. It's quite tiring having to practise at night after dinner and I don't feel very good when I disturb the people at home while they watch tv. I know it's no excuse to not practise but yea, I'll have to motivate myself and practise harder. I will will will. As I type this, I'm smiling to myself because it's nine months since I started. I'm so so glad I started.
I'm starting to look forward to december. I know I'm kinda crazy to be thinking of Christmas when Deepavali or Hari Raya aren't over yet and there are a couple of months till December comes. But you get it I know. The christmassy feeling. The carols. The lights at Orchard. When I was younger, I loved flipping through those christmas decorations books at my nanny's place. As I looked at the pictures of those houses decorated with holly, trees with baubles, snowflakes, lights etc etc, I used to dream about having some place like that of my own one day. Some place I can decorate and have a warm christmas by the fire with loved ones, while christmas carols played. And snow. It would be snowing outside and I'd look through the windows to see that other houses had people celebrating too. Well, of course there's no snow in Singapore. And I haven't had any Christmases like that.
I'm dreaming of a wonderful Christmas this year. Something happy, warm, different, memorable.
'cos I can't even remember what I did for Christmas last year.
