Back and forth.

I have had no inspiration to write since the last time I wrote. Nothing wrong with that, just that I feel I have had a lot to say but by the time I sit in front of this screen again, it's just typing, backspacing, typing, backspacing.

If you could erase things from your life by using just a backspace key, would you? It seems so dangerous, isn't it? You can just erase all the good memories together with the bad ones.

Watched Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. MS asked if it brought back any memories of any past relationships. At that moment, my mind was point blank. Was too busy trying to fit all the pieces together and I hadn't really thought of it that way until he asked. That night, I thought a lot. Even up to this very second, I'm still thinking. Answers don't come easily.

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I have come to a bottleneck these days. Whether in work or relationships, I can't seem to make things work the way I want them to. Everytime I try to get past something I want to, instead of moving forward, I take a step back. Or maybe it's more than a step back.

To think on the bright side, perhaps it's neither a totally good nor bad thing.

Let this little girl teach you one of life's lessons.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!

It's one of those days.

Listening to: Soon After Christmas-Stina Nordenstam

I've called you now a thousand times
I think I know now
You're not home
I've said your name a thousand times
To be prepared if you'd be there
I wanted so to have you
And I wanted you to know
I wanted to write songs
About how we're walking in the snow
You've got me slightly disappointed
Just a bit and just enough
To keep me up another night
Waiting for another day
The city's taking a day off
The streets are empty
No one's out tonight
My life is in another's hands
I wanted so to have you
And I wanted you to know
I wanted to write songs
About how we're walking in the snow
But there's no snow this winter
there's no words for what I feel for you
It's not enough
Though it's too much
Why must it always be like that?
The TV screen is lighting up my room
The film has ended
Every inch of my skin is crying for your hands
And I wanted so
You've got me slightly disappointed
Just a bit and just enough
To keep me up another night
Waiting for another day

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Words can never be enough.

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Met up with MS for lunch. While walking around, we talked a bit and the topic of school vs work came up. He said he missed JC life. For me, university was the most memorable of my schooling life. I think emotionally, I grew the most.

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After we parted, I went to Toa Payoh and took a look at the music cds there. I got two albums. "The Angels Sing" (18 voices) and "Afterglow" (Sarah Mclachlan).

It'll be a better week ahead.

I woke up to see mom by my side asking me to read something somebody wrote. I ended up in tears and it reminded me of the time when he passed away. That morning when I woke up to sis crying by my side. Of course this time round it wasn't something of that degree but it felt like deja vu. There was fear that he would do something wrong, sadness and regret. It has been some time and I had no longer felt any resentment. I had long given acceptance and was happy for them.

I had never seen mom cry. Not even when I hurt her so much back then. The last time was when he passed away. Today I saw her wipe her eyes while she was at the sink. Her eyes gave her away and she finally said in a joking manner that she hadn't cried in donkey years.

I just hope this won't happen again.

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It's the season to part. People are leaving the workplace one after another. Just when I feel that I'm getting to know them better, they're gone. I know I should be happy for them. I am.

I finally watched the video Mr Teases-Me-Daily shot during J's farewell dinner. It reminds me of Candid Camera.

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Went out to take pictures yesterday with WW as he bought a new digicam. It was rather fun, especially at MacDonalds when we thought of stupid things to take pictures of. Met quite a lot of people yesterday. Saw Vic, Fio and one of our juniors back in calligraphy class. As usual Fio thought that WW is my boyfriend. Why do people assume that two people are together when they are seen together? Okay, I am guilty of that but no longer.

While waiting for WW yesterday at the MRT, there was this girl shouting at a woman older than her (presumably her relative). She was shouting something along the lines of "When do you not make me wait?" while crying tears of anger. The relative looked quite embarrassed and guilty.

So you see, small things like that can result in outbursts like that. People let things accumulate too much inside their hearts, thinking that they can take it but actually it's all boiling inside waiting to explode.

So talk more and relax more will you? I will.

Hearts are made to be broken, they get stronger by the day

While on the bus, I remembered this particular scene from some drama serial some time back.

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Girl meeting up guy who was getting married the next day. Guy is marrying someone else out of obligation.

They had a wonderful day out doing ordinary things which felt extraordinary because of each other's company; and of course the fact that the next day was his big day made it all the more precious.

At the end of the day, she said to him, "Thanks. I really enjoyed myself today."

He looked at her and wanted to say something but he stopped. He didn't have to say anything for they both understood.

She continued in a choking voice, "Thanks for this last meeting. Promise me, let's not meet again. I can take it. It's not the first time I had to deal with this. I wish you all the best."

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I know it sounds rather cliched but I felt quite touched by it. To the extent that I can still remember it now. Gasp!

How would you feel if you hear that someone you love is going to get married? Or that he/she has fallen in love with someone else?

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Do you believe that hearts are made to be broken? That they get stronger by the day? I used to think so but now I don't think I can take another setback. I don't think I can take another chance and drop my defenses so easily anymore. It's harder to believe in love these days.