Countdown

Two more days before SF comes back to Singapore. Four more days before it's Chinese New Year's Eve. Five more days before we all start pigging out and meeting up with one another.

Chinese New Year was the time to get angpows, buy new clothes and goodies. Go to River Hongbao and Chinatown (although I was never brought to these places on Chuxiye). I always liked Chinese New Year eve when the three of us would gather around the dinner table to have a steamboat dinner. Then, my mom would still cook for us pigs some finger food to eat after dinner and we would eat the sweets, chocolates, mandarin oranges etc. etc. while watching the countdown programme. Minus the odd few years in secondary school where we had to sit for tests the week after Chinese New Year, Chinese New Year was usually enjoyable.

I'm 25. A little old to be getting angpows like the kids. Buying new clothes as and when I like it. Somehow, it doesn't feel like Chinese New Year anymore. I took two days off next week and plan on vegetating at home, watching dvds and eating snacks. Throw in a few visits here and there and that's it. Think my sis isn't even going to be home after eating reunion dinner with us. So it's just Mom and me.

What's Chinese New Year supposed to be like for people like us?

---

I was talking to Au some time ago about you. On a late night when I was unreserved and I got myself to remember and talk about things I haven't thought about in some time. It was bittersweet. =) On that night, I suddenly realised that I probably hurt you a lot then, without me knowing it then. It's sadly funny because so many years have passed and I only realized it that night.

I am sorry but I don't know how to apologise. Because it's too late to say sorry and you probably think it doesn't matter anymore.

---

"The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love." At least, that was what I heard.